Why did we decide to have children?

I know all of you who have kids has asked yourself this question at least once, right?? Good, so I dont feel so guilty asking myself this question. I am sure that some of the people whom I respect most have been overly frustrated with their beautiful children, so I dont feel bad saying that I don't think I can do this anymore!!! Let me tell you why I ask these ridiculous questions and harbor these insane feelings. The story goes something like this...

7:30 pm - We usually try to wake kroten up around this time so that he is sleepy and ready for bed around 9 or 10. Last night, however, the little man was so tired that he was having a hard time waking up, he would just cry and fall back asleep in what ever position you put him in. So we decided to let him sleep. STUPID IDEA!

9:30 - Kroten got hungry. So i fed him. He was then awake. You must understand that it is now bed time for Jared and I.

10:30- during the movie Hook, kroten dozed to sleep, so in my excitement, I thought he was ready for bed. To his crib he went.

10:40- Screaming baby halts the progress I was making in going to sleep.

11:00- There is nothing on TV past 10 incase you are wondering.

11:30- Kroten starts to sleep. to his crib he goes.

11:40- Kroten wakes up.

11:45- Kroten dozes again.

11:46- in his crib, he starts to whine.

11:50- Kroten is hungry. (this is where I start to get frustrated)

11:58- kroten falls asleep. now I know he didn't eat a full meal, but I was hoping that he just wanted a snack and that he was really going to sleep. -HAHA- you have to learn from your mistakes right?

12:00 am- I go to bed AGAIN!!!

12:05- Kroten is now crying.

12:06- this is the point where I am asking myself the question at the beginning, and Jared who has to get up at 5:30 is now getting up to get the baby.

12:07- Kroten falls asleep and Jared puts him in his crib.

Now this event opened a new can of worms for my already emotional state. Now it goes from "WHY??" to "I am so inadequate. I am a bad mom. How on earth did you get him to fall asleep so fast?"

12:08- Jared, who is falling asleep, is trying to comfort me.

12:20 - You guessed it... Kroten is awake and crying.

12:21- I am crying

12:30- Jared suggest we feed him, and I say quite angrily "I just fed him."

12:31- Jared, Kroten and I sit in silence while Kroten again falls asleep and Jared and I get mader and mader that we can't fall asleep and that I am being so emotional.

12:35 - I am now telling my Heavenly Father that I dont think I can do this anymore.

12:40- Jared tells me to just take a deep breath. HA now this is an interesting twist to the story, and I hope some body in the world can relate. When Jared says this, he has the best intentions of helping me cope... when Jared says this, the little beast inside of me is screaming, "TAKE A BREATH? ....TAKE A BREATH? Why dont you shove your foot..." You get the idea.

12:45- we again try, unsuccessfully, to go to bed.

12:46-I am crying to jared about how I don't think I can do it, and how I want to drop kick the baby across the street.

12:47- Jared trying to stay calm and understanding tells me that it is ok.

12:47:35-I start to feel better.

12:50- Kroten's crying, again. I convince myself that maybe the baby is really hungry,and proceed to feed him.

12:55- Yep... Kroten is a sleep.

12:56- Remember that starting to feel better thing? It's gone.

12:57- Not making the mistake I made earlier, Jared wakes the baby up and we feed him some more.

1:00 - asleep again.

1:02- Diaper change.

1:05- Jared takes Kroten outside with a bottle to keep him awake for a full feeding.

1:15 - Kroten Burps, finally (that is a story for another time.)

1:30- Jared gets the watermelon out of the fridge for a snack.

1:35 - Kroten is finally finishing the bottle.

1:38- We think he is done eating, and he is asleep.

1:40- To the crib for what we hope is the very last time.

1:45- Jared is once again comforting me to the sound of silence over the baby monitor.

1:47- we both lie awake patiently waiting for some noise to come from the monitor.

1:50-At this time I came to a realization. Instead of saying that I couldn't do this anymore, I told my Heavenly Father that I don't think I can do this alone. I was pleading with him that Kroten be finally asleep.

1:52- I am begging for Jared's forgiveness and telling him while convincing myself that I am going to try harder to be more patient and do better at the things that are bugging me.

2:00- Jared asks what time it is, and I tell him it is 2.

I dont remember anything after this. I am hoping that is was all over, but I might have just slept through what ever happened next.

6:00- Jared wakes me up and tell me that he has to go to work now.

Okay so there are several morals to this story.

1. Don't let Kroten sleep after 7.
2. Never let them get away with a half feeding.
3. Wait to have kids until you are really really ready to give up everything you hold dear. Time with your husband, sleep, your sanity, your emotional stability, your pants etc. (not that I was not ready, but can you imagine if I had been any less ready?)
4. I know this is an underlying theme of the story, but Jared really is wonderful. I don't know how he does it, but he is so patient and so loving. He literally was dealing with two babies last night, and then he got up for work 3 hours later, what a man. I love him. Oh and he made dinner last night too. HE IS AMAZING!!
5. I can't do this alone. No one can. I imagine that Heavenly Father was chuckling while watching this story unfold with a bag of pop corn like it was a movie. He was just sitting there waiting for me to realize that I am not super mom, and that I need both my husbands and his comfort and help.

This is hard stuff. I honestly don't understand, after 9 months of sickness, pain, not being able to move and expanding waist lines, why don't they give us something easy?