Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Help... there is a monster in my house.

He is a monster...
  • He throws
  • He hits
  • He makes messes
  • He goes on hunger strikes
  • He can throw a tantrum better, louder and more blood curdling than any monster I have ever seen.
  • He does the exact opposite of what you say
  • He says he doesn't feel good when he is asked to do something
  • He says "I don't know how" to things I know he is perfectly capable of doing
  • He laughs when he farts
  • He screams louder and harder when punished... I swear the neighbors must think we beat him.
  • He refuses to nap till 3 pm then won't go to bed till 10 pm
  • He gets VERY cranky when hungry
  • He negotiates
  • He is intolerant to food dyes
  • He wakes up way too early
  • He lies
  • He stares off into space when you confront him
  • He wants gum "RIGHT NOW!"
PLEASE tell me that the DAY he turns four it all gets better???

Any one have any advice on how to get a three year old to pick up their toys willingly without mom holding their hand? Out of all of his MOSTERNESS, this is my current side ache. 
  • He thinks the timer is some sort of chinese torture device
  • The garbage thing does not work, because I cannot bring myself to throw away toys. 
  • Toy time out does not work because he doesn't care and just plays with something else. 
  • Putting him in time out does not work... heaven only knows why.
You wanna know what worked tonight... a cold shower in his clothes... he cleaned up his toys after that one. 

Please help... at this point I will try anything... hence the cold shower thing!


Deidra Smith said...

With my kids, it was just about finding out what meant the most to them and then with hold or reward with it. It doesn't work perfectly, but works often. Brancyn also doesn't do naps well anymore and I don't make him if he helps with "chores" each day nicely. Otherwise he takes a nap. ( I know nap time is precious, but I've found a movie or a little angry birds time still helps him to be quiet so that I can have some peace.) Hang in there, you'll figure it out. Just expect the game to change every few months-they are growing so fast that what is important to them changes just as fast:)

Mama B said...

I SO feel your pain!!! I don't have any great answers sorry. I feel like what works one day won't work the next. Just recently we have been talking more and more about choices(good and bad) and consequences(good and bad). And how each consequence would make him feel and how he would like to feel. Sometimes I think he understands and other times I am pretty sure he doesn't care. Right now he has lost his Legos and emjoying any sort of electronics until he can go 7 days (not consecutive) without being put in time out. He asks a few times a day for these things and is reminded that he can't have them and asked why. Not sure if any of these things are helping now but sure hoping the help in the long run. Just know that you are not alone!!! Did you read that article that I posted on FB called Carpe DIem. Good read for mothers!!

Kendra said...

I feel ya girly! Zaya is the monster of all monsters, and I don't have sage advice because I'm learning right along side you, but one thing I have learned with this rambunctious boy of mine, that was a hard pill to swallow... punishments don't work! Now, that doesn't mean I don't try and he doesn't still get time out for behaving badly, but just as taking away toys and tv for continuing to poop his pants doesn't work, putting him in the time out chair for not putting his toys away doesn't work either. The only thing that I have found that works is playing with him. I have to calm myself down and take the time to do everything with him. I sit in front of his toy shelf and hand him a toy and ask "which bucket does this go in?" and he puts it away. In the living room I have to pile all his toys up in one big pile and ask "how many of these can you take to your room at one time?" and my personal favorite is with legos or cars "go find me all the yellow ones... now the blue ones... ect." Now, don't get me wrong, I do not always have the patience for this, actually most the time I don't have an inkling of enough patience for this. There are a lot of time outs and threats of toys being thrown away tossed around my house too. But, looking back, the moments when I did calm myself down enough to do this were the only times when I didn't end up cleaning the toys myself while Zaya screamed from his bed.
Hope it helps.
Hang in there, you are doing a great job. Plus, I honestly believe there is a reason we don't remember a lot of stuff before 4 or 5 years old, it's Heavenly Father's way of giving us learning moms a break.

ErinandShane said...

Looks like you already got a lot of opinions so you might not even want mine but just in case:

Positive rewards work better than punishments. Sure Punishments have their place but really a child throws a fit to get your attention (or they are tired). As hard as it is (trust me I know how hard it is) perhaps stop what you're doing more often and just sit with him, play along with him, and then help him clean up. Suggest another game because he was willing to clean up. When he sees he gets more attention from you when he picks up than he might start doing it willingly.

At the end of the day, you are a GOOD Mom and sometimes there are no answers to stubborn wills.

p.s. It's ok to cry, some days you just need to cry it out.

Mr. and Mrs. Hillarious said...

I'm crossing my fingers for the magical four-year birthday!

At my house we just don't move on to the next activity without cleaning up the one we're doing. Or if I know he'll be coming back to it (like we're having dinner and he'll want to play afterwards) we'll at least clean up some of the mess. This has worked better for me than any other kind of punishment or reward.

Hope one of these ideas works! Let us know if one is the miracle!

bruinjack said...

So, what worked for Aunt Monica (and I thought this was GENIUS) was that when they wouldn't clean up their toys, she would go to their room with a box and even if they started cleaning, she would fill the box with whatever she could before they got to it and the box would go to the garage and they would earn them back one at a time. I'm sure it's slow and painful for children, even when it is something they don't really love, because even when they aren't in love with it the fact that they don't have it is torture. I haven't tried it, but it worked for her kids. I just tell mine that if he doesn't want to make a mess, he doesn't get to play in the first place.

Margaret said...

Make it a contest. (Then let him win.) "I bet I can clean up more toys than you can. Ready go." Worked for my kids.

Kids get easier in some ways and harder in other ways each year. But, I think it's physically less exhausting as they get older.

Mama B said...

I got "Raising Your Spirited Child" at the Library yesterday and I just finished chapter two last night and it has already changed my outlook on McCoy and being a Mother to McCoy. Seriously worth reading!!
P.S. If you ever need to vent...just text me! Because more than likely I need to vent too :)