Pathfinder Road - The Bridge

Scouts

Hello, I am a crested penguin.

Kemiry had an adorable project for school and she had to prepare a presentation. We as a family had to make a penguin. We chose to make a puppet out of felt. Kemiry learned two stitches, how to sew on a button and a whole slew of penguin facts.

What a fun project and a bonding experience for us girls. 

 

 

 

 

Grandma's Funeral

We had Grandma's funeral last week. It was peaceful. I think she was finally ready to go. There are a lot of people who were very sad. I am not sad that she is done with this life, I am sad that I didn't get to ask her more questions or that I didn't comfort her more in the end, but I am happy that she is done with her test here on earth. 

My parents asked me to make the program for her funeral and give the eulogy. I cried all the way through, but I am happy I was able to do that. I think it gave me a lot of closure. 

Dolly Mae Lund Eulogy

-->

            Something that I have learned through this experience of loosing grandma is that we all grieve differently. Some of us drowned our sorrow with tears others drowned it in Cake and potatoes. Some of us find solace in the company of loved ones, while others prefer to be alone.  Some people make themselves and others laugh as they try to find their zen and others put their shoulder to the wheel and serve away the pain. Although the definition of grief is ever changing and completely subject to its owners individual needs and circumstances, I think all grief shares a common theme of loss and regret.

            We may regret that grandma didn’t get to see the beach or Elvis one last time, we may be sad that there was not one more touch of the hand or that we didn’t get something off of our chest. Maybe someone didn’t get to forgive or be forgiven, it maybe that we didn’t get to hear all the family history stories. We may regret not being able to see her more often or take just one more picture. My daughter expressed that she wishes she could have given great grandma just one more hug.

            I don’t mean to discount the grief that we ALL are feeling, however, might I suggest that those regrets can be buried with her mortal body. We can instead, remember, memorialize and learn from her life, the good and the bad, and become better people because of the life she DID live and the associations we DID have with her. We need to count the number of hugs that we did have not the ones that we missed. We can remember the stories we did hear and learn from them. We would be doing those beautiful times and memories that we do have a disservice if we focus on the things that we did not get a chance to do.  We must take comfort knowing that through Jesus Christ we can be together again and all regrets will be swept away in that beautiful reunion.

            Something that has helped me in my grief is to remember. Remember as many details as I can.  

            I remember that she had a very strong connection to animals, especially her puppies that she dearly loved. Her connection with animals including that rattlesnake that wrapped itself around her daughter’s leg. She had no problem connecting a shotgun shell with his head.

            I remember that she loved beautiful things. She always had a flower garden, beautiful jewelry and more Avon then any person should ever own. Eve remembers her mother teaching her the names of all the plants as she taught her daughters, by example, to create beauty all around you.

            I remember that she was stubborn and fiercely independent.  She was so kind to pass that gene onto me.  Fun fact, her birth name was Dolly but she was christened Dorothy. Her father hated the name Dorothy. She later legally changed her name to Dorothy and insisted that her name was not Dolly.

            I remember that she had a sarcastic sense of humor. I didn’t appreciate her negative witty comments until I was an adult when I realized that she was actually pretty funny. She passed this gene onto Lori who remembers that she had an “innocent sense of humor that came along with a laugh to wake and stimulate any listening ear.”

            I remember that grandma always had dark curly hair. I think when I get older and I start to go grey I am going to blame her for tricking me into believing that all old people have brown hair.

            I feel like I missed out because I don’t remember her baking, but Jan told me that she remembers that she was not a very good cook, but boy could she bake. Coffee cake, chocolate-chocolate chip cake and divinity. Donna remembers the delicious divinity as she told me, Mom would “let me stir in the egg white and beat it. Then I got to clean the bowl.” Donna also remembers her porcupine meatballs, which is not a baked good, so she couldn’t have been that bad in the kitchen. Eve Remembers that she even baked when the family lived in a cabin with no stove or oven. Ill let her try to remember how that was done and tell everyone later, maybe she’ll teach a class.

            I remember that there was always a garden with peas and zucchini and tomatoes. I’m pretty sure that grandma never sowed that garden; it was grandpa’s garden.  But I remember the feeling that he did it for her.

            I remember that he loved her. I can see it in my mind, him in his suspenders and blue sweatshirt, putting his big grandpa arm around her and pulling her in close. Grandma told me stories, and I am now, as an adult, aware that they did not have the perfect relationship. I know that grandpa was not always a perfect man or husband. That is not what I remember though, I remember as a child knowing that they loved each other.

            I remember that she loved music. She told me one time about how much she loved going to church to sing in the choir and play the organ. Grandpa’s church didn’t use a piano and the congregation sang accapella, she expressed that this is how she decided that his was not the true church.  The three hymns that are part of today’s program were her favorite, which tells a lot about her. She loved music because it was her way of expressing her love for the Savior, Jesus Christ

            I remember that she had a testimony of Jesus Christ and in learning all we can about dolly’s mother, she too believed in the savior.  This is a memory that I will hold dear and am forever grateful for, for the passing down of faith and hope and courage.

            As we each deal with our individual grief, and hopefully burry our regrets and sorrow, may we all find comfort in the knowledge that Dorothy loved her children and grandchildren and that she is, as aunt Lori put it, “surely part of the heavenly choir.”

Rainbow hike

On our hike this weekend we got sprinkled on, but it was worth it to see this awesome rainbow spread across the river.

I love where we live. It rained here last year 70% more than the national average! That is crazy.

Without the rain there would be an absence of all the green trees, puffy clouds and of course, rainbows. 

 

Dolly May Lund

 

My grandmother passed away tonight. We weren't terribly close. All my childhood I thought she was grumpy and depressed. I do remember how cute her and my grandpa were and I remember thinking that they were in love. I remember the garden.  I remember lots of floral prints and more Avon products than a person could use in a lifetime. She loved animals, I remember that. She played piano and sang and she loved Jesus.

In more recent years, until we moved away, my grandma and I became closer. I learned that she had an interesting sense of humor and was quite sarcastic. She was grumpy and depressed, but kind of funny. She loved beautiful things (hence the Avon and floral prints) She had a rough life which I learned about as I showed her pictures and asked her questions about her mom.

Like I said, grandma and I were not super close, but this is still tough and confusing. I will miss her here on this earth and the association that we did have, but I am so happy that she is able to be with Everett and see her mother again. She gets to see her daughter Rosie and her son who have also left the earth. She gets to be with the savior and learn more about the gospel. I love thinking about the reunion and the orientation to paradise on the first day home. She didn't want to die, she gave specific instructions to keep her on life support, but I feel strongly that she got over it while in the hospital and that it was easy to let go and move on. I think she is happy now.

I told the kids about her passing and they had lots of questions. "Why did she die now?" "How is she in heaven already if her body isn't in the tomb yet?" "Why did they turn off the tank?" (Life support) "why didn't I get to see her one more time?" "How old is she in heaven?" "Was she good or bad on earth?" And many more. Kem cried more then I thought she would. Kroten said he is happy for her. 

These experiences are good for us. We need to feel sorrow and we need to ask Heavenly Father for comfort. My hope is that she is happy and that I can hug her again one day when we are both perfect. 

Santy

 This year Kemiry was super into Santa. She was so excited to go see him. Anytime we saw Santa she would say, super excitedly, "Santa looked at me" or "Santa waived at me" I hope her magic lasts a few more years.

Kroten doesn't really believe in Santa, but I think he knows if he officially declares that, then he won't get as good of gifts or Atleast some of the magic will be gone. He goes back and forth on his opinion. The conversation of the reality of Santa always includes a little tooth fairy convo too.

Christmas came early

Christmas came early to our house since we were going to visit family on the actual Christmas. It was very quiet and fun. We all love getting gifts. Who doesn't.

Face

I sent jared a text today with this emoticon 😬 refering to the face that Kroten was making as he waited quite impatiently for the bathroom. Kemiry read the text over my shoulder and said with a puzzled tone"he is making this face?" How I caught her making this face is a mystery and I swear I burnt a cheeseburgers worth of calories laughing at the conversation afterwards.

Happy New Year

It was pretty uneventful and laid back. We had nachos and cider. We all went to bed around 10 pm. We're not partiers, but we're happy together. That's all that matters.

 

Sleep walker

Kroten is a sleep walker. He is a sleep talker. He is a sleep comedian.

It took us a long time to figure out that he was not awake for our late night interactions. I started to understand the oddities when he was about 3 or 4 years old. One night he was screaming and crying in bed. He was acting like he was being tortured or murdered. I assumed he had just woke from a bad dream. I tried and tried to console him and nothing worked. A few minutes later, like a light switch, he stopped crying, looked me straight in the eye and said as happy as could be "Hi Mommy. " it was one of the creepiest things ever, something straight out of a horror movie. It was at that point that I realized, he wasn't awake for the crying portion of that interaction and he didn't even remember being  upset.

He is 8 now and still had these episodes or night terrors about twice a month on average. I can tell now by his breathing, his mannerisms and even the gloss in his eyes if he is awake or not.

A few weeks ago he came out of his room and while squating and standing alternately he said "I don't know where to sit."

One night he ran from his room to the front door, like he was going to leave. That was scary.

Occasional he will wake up crying or panting like he just ran a mile. He will sometimes say things like, "help me" or " make it stop" the scary night terrors break my mommy heart. And he doesn't remember anything after or the next day, so he can't even tell us about his crazy adventures.

Tonight was probably the best one I have seen so far. I was laughing out loud.  I heard commotion in his room and his normal heavy, I'm not awake,  breathing. When I came into the room, he had no pants on and he was trying to wrap his quilt around his waist. He said, "I need help, I can't get it to stay on." I helped him back in bed and asked him if he wanted pants on, he said "I tried." As I helped him put them on he said "why are those off?" Meaning he had woken up in the process of getting back in bed.

The doctor advised us to interact with him as little as possible, put him back in bed and let the dream play out. We are not supposed to wake him up and we're not supposed to talk about it the next day. All of those things are super hard, especially when he does funny things or is acting really scared.

I sure hope he grows out of it. I hope he never goes outside or pees in my kitchen pots. If I am ever murdered in the middle of the night, tell the cops that he wasn't awake.