I am really putting alot out here for you all to read, I hope this doesn't disturb your notion that I am a perfect home-maker. BAHAHAHAHA! Because(in all sarcasm) you all know that I am perfect.
I am not going to lie, having two kids is the hardest thing I have ever done! Having two kids makes having one kid look like a walk in the park, while eating cake, on a sunny day with the most comfy shoes you've ever worn. Seriously, I am struggling.
It seems that with each child the laundry quadruples... how is that possible. And you all know I was struggling in this area before she came along.
I feel compleatly overwhelmed by life!! This is the first time in my life that I have actually wished with all seriousness that I could run away. It sounds HORRIBLE right now, but at the time it sounded like a logical answer to me.
There are times when the house is a disaster, the dishes are piled so high you can't find a clean spoon to eat with, the laundry is scattered in every room, the sewing machine is out and begging me to finish just one project, I am back logged on blogging, the bathroom stinks, dinner isn't even a thought and I need a shower... the kids will have just barely gone down for a nap and that gives me a good solid two hours of time and I litterally FEEL like I cannot do a thing because they will wake up soon. Is that for real... I have two hours and nothing gets done. I just feel like I cannot do anything because there are so many other things to do! SO nothing gets done?? Does that make sense? Not to me. Does anyone else feel that way?
The other day, I was trying to make dinner and then I remembered the costumes weren't done and then there was no place to cut a tomato on the counter and kem was crying and life just caught up to me and I started crying. Why can I not even cut a tomato without feeling overwhelmed??
One more for ya... One night K man woke up at midnight and started crying, so Jared went to comfort him. He started throwing a fit and would not go back to bed, he wouldn't get in bed with us... NOTHING. He was up till 5:30. Guess who else didn't sleep that night... yep, yours truely.
Just a few days later He was being a pill, so I decided we all needed a change of scenery. So I packed up the kids and got myself dressed and we went for a walk, and k man rode his bike. K man decided half way through and a half mile in that he didn't want to ride, he didn't want to walk, he didn't want ice cream, he didn't want to go home... NOTHING. So I left his bike there and carried this screaming, thrashing two year old home while pushing kem in the stroller. It must have looked to passers by that I was kidnapping him. My arms are so sore. I seriously felt like hurting him that day. TWO YEAR OLDS ARE HORRIBLE.
I am not even going to go into the weight loss thing, that is a whole nother demension.
I am so overwhelmed, I cannot even explain it. I cry every day. I am so tired right now, but I don't want to go to bed because that means that when I wake up I have to start it all over again. Seriously... does anyone els feel this way???
to make this long story even longer...
I have been thinking about what to change. I know the answer and that is the HARDEST part. I know what I need to do. I need to read my scriptures, pray more often and be more grateful. It just seems to easy. Is that answer going to make me loose 80 lbs? Is praying going to clean my house and make dinner is it going to burn calories? Is it going to play with a two year old? It seems so easy. And then today I thought about how Moses told the poeple to look and live and that was just far too easy for them so they died. OK OK... I know what I need to do. THEN... I asked Jared for a blessing and he told me that I needed to be more grateful for the things that I do have. AND THEN... I taught the lesson in Young Women's today at church and guess what it was on... OPTIMISM. Really??? And being grateful. Ok... OK.... OK.
So I am going to be more grateful, just iin time for thanksgiving... From november 1st till thanksgiving, I will write what I am grateful for here on the blog. You should join me.
lets see if it burns calories.
7 comments:
I feel ya Kristen! You know I am right there with you. I am going to join you in cultivating an attitude of gratitude. My bishop told me prayer and scripture reading won't get things done but it will making the DOING easier to endure! Love ya!
Ok, super long comment coming!
I think almost every mom feels this way sometimes. I too have felt this way and been counseled to count my blessings. So, good for you and your goal!
On a side note, don't get too hard on yourself though, it really is a hard job. One that at times is overwhelming and brings on depression. I've been doing the depression thing lately and it just makes those hard tasks seem insurmountable. But, you are totally on the right track. Other than the cases of depression that you can only get rid of with a little medication help, scriptures, prayer, temple attendance are the way to go. It doesn't make all of those things go away, but your ability to deal increases and your temperment improves. Good luck! You'll make it. Eventually you'll get in such a good routine it will feel like this is just all in the very far past.
2 is hard! But it does get better. Don't try to do everything! If you have to cut back in blogging do. If you have to cut out sewing do.cut out all of the extras you can and focus on the basic needs for physical and spiritual survival! It will get better, but evaluate yourself and if the prayer, scripture etc still isn't getting you out of the rut, call your ob and talk to them. It may be something more that you need help controlling! Don't be afraid to ask for help and get the proper treatment. Sometimes you just need a boost, not saying you are depressed but if you are, something to think about it! Just know all moms have been where you are! I will pray for you girl!
I often vacillate between feeling like life is utterly chaotic and feeling like I"m starting to finally get the hang of two kids. Definitely been there when you carry a screaming two year old down the street. I never get to much besides dishes and laundry at my house and it still feels like it's a losing battle. I'm glad you've found the stuff that I'm sure will help calm your spirit at least. And if it does burn calories, let me know and I can use it as part of workout routines as a personal trainer. :) Maybe I could start handing out Book of Mormons. Haha...do you remember that Book of Mormon we gave to some guy at the mall way back when? That was awesome!
loved this post. Seriously...after only three weeks of having two kids, I am already feeling exhausted and burned out and terrified of the next five years of my life. Glad that someone else feels the same way and is open enough to talk about it. Thanks :)
I love everyone else's comments. Keep on keeping on and just do the best you can. And if there is postparnum depression, look into help. I read an article in the Ensign about it; you may want to look it up.
Lovin' the November posts!
Yes, Yes, and YES. It WON'T last!!
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