with his two year old tantrums and the overuse of the word NO. (OH!!! I could kill who ever taught him to say the word no.) He kicks and pushes and screams for attention. The worst is when he asks for milk and you think finally, the thing that will calm him down. So you go to the cupboard, can't find a sippy so you wash one of the 50 dirty ones in the sink, dig through the fridge to get his milk which is in the back and pour him a glass, take it to him and then he says NO, and pushes it away. ERR!! I could just scream!
Some times it is Kemiry...
you think she is innocent and cute, dont you. Today, I was packing for camping and she just wanted to be held. The ONE TIME that I have something to do that is more important than sitting and loving on her, all she wants is to be held. She has one perpetual eye booger that no matter how many times you get rid of it, it comes back. She throws up on me constantly and she wakes up at 3 am. ERRR I could just scream.
Oh and the worst offender. sometimes it is Jared...
I wont go into this because I love him more than words could ever express but sometimes... ugh, sometimes... I could just scream.
And then there is me... The house is a mess, my fault. Kman is angry because he didn't get enough attention, my fault. More yelling then love was given today, my fault. The dishes are dirty, the bathroom stinks, I didn't read my scriptures, were not packed for camping, the baby is crying and my hair is a mess... ALL MY FAULT. EER, I could just scream.
There are times through out the day when I feel my teeth clench and my heart race and all I want to do is pinch someone. I am not joking, I often feel this angry urge to pinch someone. Then there are other times during the day when all I can do is hang my head in my hand because of this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. I just feel like "I can't do this. They deserve so much better"
Then there are those times, they are to far between, but there are those times when I have been able to take more than one deep breath, when I feel love. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and trusts me with these children. I feel love for my babies and I am compleatly overcome with joy in them. I feel love and graditude for my AMAZING husband. and I feel so blessed. Wow, I am so blessed. If it weren't for these moments, I might pinch someone.
11 comments:
Amen to it all! I totally know what you are saying. Levi had that goober in his eye for11 months. Clogged tear duct. He even a surgery date to fix it and it went away. I am sure gets will too. And the two year old... Tests your patients all day! Got to love it!
Lol! Just know we're all right there with you. Sometimes you get fooled by everybodies Sunday faces and Sunday manners, but we're all right there with you!
Oh the joys of motherhood. My best friend and I were discussing recently how it seems like every other day is like this. Some days will be great and I'll play with both kids and they are happy and I get most of my to-do list done as well...and then the next day I'm grouchy and yell and am rougher than I should be and nothing gets done and my poor husband comes home and I blame it all on him...when really it's not his fault, or mostly not his fault. It seems this cycles about every other day. Sometimes in half day cycles. But I know how you feel!
This reminds me of a poem I read when I gave a mother's day talk one year.
Dear Lord, it’s such a hectic day
With little time to stop and pray
For life’s been anything but calm
Since You called on me to be a mom
Running errands, matching socks
Building dreams with building blocks
Cooking, cleaning, and finding shoes
And other stuff that children lose
Fitting lids on bottled bugs
Wiping tears and giving hugs
A stack of last weeks mail to read
So where’s the quiet time I need?
Yet when I steal a minute, Lord
Just at the sink or ironing board
To ask the blessings of Your grace
I see then, in my small one’s face
That you have blessed me
All the while
And I stop to kiss
That precious smile
I love you Kristen. I love your honesty and your sincerity. What lucky kids to have you. Somehow it always works out. The Lord will magnify your efforts when you give your all and it just isn't quite enough.
well, you hit it right on the nail for me today. Loves to you.
I totally read the whole post as "I want to PUNCH someone!" lol, pinching is a lot less aggressive. I want to scream a lot too. Two year old antics, and baby spit-ups... I am right there with ya!! Love ya Kristen!!
Glad to know I'm not the only one that can get so frustrated with those I love the most. I hope today's going better!
I often feel the same way! Read this..
http://codenamemama.com/2010/08/31/100-things-to-do-instead-of-yelling-or-spanking/
I thought of this blog constantly today! I totally had a day like this. It's so exhausting! And I end up wanting to pinch myself more than anyone for my impatience!
P.S. Hope you're having a good time camping!
Having the urge to pinch someone doesn't seem to be all that bad. I get the urge to throw something! Guess it's from all the years of playing softball. Ha, and sometimes I just give into the urge and I feel better.
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